Finding the right solution to your problems… Together
Sometimes we can feel overwhelmed, life can be difficult. We can feel frustrated, angry, lonely, unheard, the list goes on. Things can feel so big it seems impossible to cope, could anyone ever understand? Or problems can seem so small to us that we feel they shouldn’t matter. We may feel stuck, unfulfilled and frustrated with life, sometimes we just don’t feel right and have no idea why.
My objective is for you to see yourself as a person with power and freedom. My role is to work alongside you, to provide a warm, accepting environment where you feel able to share your concerns and we can explore together, make connections and reach new understandings of your-self.
One of the theories I use in my practice is Person Centred Counselling, which is based on the philosophy and theory of Dr Carl Rogers. He believed that every- one has the ability to grow provided they are given the right conditions of congruence, empathy and unconditional positive regard and that everybody is an expert on themselves. I have included two quotes from Carl Rogers as I believe they say so much.
“When the other person is hurting, confused, troubled, anxious, alienated, and terrified; or when he or she is doubtful of self-worth, uncertain as to identity, then understanding is called for. The gentle and sensitive companionship of an empathic stance… provides illumination and healing. In such situations deep understanding is, I believe, the most precious gift one can give to another.” – Carl R. Rogers
I have experience with many areas of counselling. I feel everybody is unique and deserves to be treated with respect. I work with people from all walks of life respecting culture, values, choices, beliefs, and sexual orientation. I offer you a safe, non-judgemental and confidential space to tackle the difficult areas in your life. I see myself as a facilitator, walking alongside you, helping you to reach what may be causing difficulties for you at this time. I offer you the time to explore at a deeper level, make connections and reach new understandings of yourself.
I work with a wide range of issues and have listed some that may bring you into counselling. These are examples and ‘I just don’t feel right’ or ‘I don’t know why I am here’ are just as important.
People suffering with depression say it is like an endless black hole, unbelievable emotional pain, no escape and terrifying. They also report feelings of shame for not being able to beat it, feelings of worthlessness, crippling anxiety and feeling pathetic as they had “nothing to be unhappy about.” Alongside counselling, medication is prescribed by GPs to help sufferers who are experiencing moderate to severe depression. Antidepressants can help to ease common symptoms such as poor sleep, low mood, and poor concentration which can help sufferers to function more normally and can even increase the ability to deal with difficult situations and problems if they arise. It is important to see your G.P. in conjunction with counselling to ensure you get the best treatment for you.
Anxiety is natural and enables us to respond to danger such as seeking medical help when we feel unwell or leaving a building when the fire alarm rings. It goes back to our ancestors when they responded to danger with fight, flight or freeze. This physical response leads to chemical changes in our bodies when hormones such as dopamine and adrenaline are released leading to our hearts beating faster, breathing heavily, loss of appetite and dry mouth. But when anxiety starts to take over your life and becomes a source of fear and worry it has become a problem.
Abuse can be emotional, psychological, sexual, or financial. It maintains power and control of one person over another. Most victims are women, but men and people in same sex relationships suffer too. Over 100 women and 30 men die each year as a result of domestic violence in UK. No particular ‘type’ suffers from domestic violence it exists right across society.
There are many forms of abuse and any physical or sexual abuse should be immediately acted upon. Abuse is not only confined to partners it can affect anyone. Cycles of abuse are often based on an intense need for love and affection, a terror of being abandoned, low self-esteem, isolation and drug or alcohol abuse.
Our lives can change profoundly when someone dies, we can suffer the most intense pain and how we feel can be very difficult to put into words. The intense emotional pain can be devastating. We can feel a vast array of emotions such as loss, fear, anger, guilt, regret, shock and disbelief. All of these are normal but it is important to remember that the way we experience them will be unique to us.
Struggling with stress can feel like you are going round in circles – you are stressed so you feel stressed that you are stressed. The longer this goes on the harder it is to cope. If stress is taking over your life, you are avoiding situations or people, your physical health is affected, you are experiencing angry outbursts or you are using unhealthy or dangerous coping methods then it may be time to seek help. The doctor may be your first port of call who will be able to look at your physical symptoms and suggest other ways of coping.
Counselling can help by enabling you to talk about your difficulties and understand any underlying issues you may have that are causing your stress. It is also helpful just to talk to someone who will not judge, is confidential and understanding.
Self-Harm is when someone injures or harms themselves deliberately but not with the intention of committing suicide. Although as with anyone who has emotional difficulties suicide is a risk. Self-Harm is often described as a way of surviving, a way of coping and self-soothing. People who Self-Harm have often had difficulties in their childhood ranging from abuse, neglect, bereavement and emotionally unavailable carers. But this is not always the case. Risk factors also include bullying, loss and confusion around sexuality.
People with low-self-esteem can be fearful and taking risks can seem too frightening to contemplate. Failures and not meeting some of their expectations can leave them feeling destroyed and can also strengthen beliefs that risks are not worth taking, they can also compare themselves unfavourably with others. Self-esteem can be lowered by negative experiences and difficult relationships but this also must mean that it can become higher with support. Our self-esteem is constantly changing.
Self-confidence is being able to trust and have faith in our own judgement and abilities, to have positive but realistic views of ourselves and our situations. It is more about how the world and others see us, what we achieve and how we present ourselves. Where-as self-esteem is more how we feel about ourselves. Others can see self-confidence in us by our behaviour, body language and how we react to situations, self-confidence is evident in our positive attitude and belief in our abilities, people with low self-confidence generally feel and think negatively about themselves.
As a humanistic counsellor my approach provides me with an opportunity to explore creativity, personal growth and self-development with you. The foundations of the humanistic approach help me to provide the conditions that can lead to a deeper understanding of who you are, what you feel and the opportunity to explore the possibility of creating personal choices. This encourages self-awareness and self-realisation.
All relationships are unique with their own ups and downs. They are complicated and require communication and compromise. When feeling unhappy in a relationship it is important to look at the issues you may be facing. Every relationship will differ in the issues that arise within it. You may feel you could benefit from some counselling to talk through your difficulties.
It is important to remember that all relationships face difficulties at some point but if this is becoming more painful, you feel as though you are going in circles or it is affecting your mental well- being it may be time to seek support.
Families take on many of the stresses and strains of everyday life and these pressures can become too much to cope with alone. One person in the family going through changes or difficulties can overwhelm a family, there seems to be no resolution, emotions run high and home can become a battle ground.
Changes can occur within the family which brings up feelings of anger and hurt in other members. Crisis and disappointments can cause great difficulties. Often one family member feels most of the strain, maybe trying to hold everything together.
Every ones use of alcohol, substances and behaviours is different and unique to them. Some people have a difficulty in their life with drinking or using unmanageably for a while and then never have a problem again, others discover that for them complete abstinence and changing their behaviours is the only way. I believe through counselling, groups or whichever path people choose they can find their own individual way to their solutions and their own truth.
You may have difficulty in getting to sleep or wake at odd hours and be unable to get back to sleep. Your appetite may change, either overeating or being unable to eat. You may experience feelings of anxiety or become depressed. Counselling cannot make the difficulties in your life disappear but I can be with you as you come to terms with the challenges you face and the decisions you make in a confidential and understanding environment.
Unfortunately bullying is common and is apparent in schools, homes, the work place, groups, anywhere there are people. Whether you are being bullied now or still suffering from the effects of bullying in your past it can be incredibly traumatic.it can leave you feeling worthless, terrified and powerless. Bullying can be verbal or physical and can lead to depression, low self-esteem, anxiety and suicidal thoughts.
Carers can feel that friends and family are unable to identify with their experience and maybe they can’t but this can bring about a feeling of isolation. Maintaining healthy relationships with partners, children other family members and friends can be incredibly difficult because of finding time for them and feeling misunderstood, this too may become a source of stress.
This may sound familiar to you or you may have completely different concerns. You may encounter all manner of difficulties and obstacles. Counselling could help you to understand, explore and address these feelings in a safe place with someone who is confidential, non-judgemental, empathic and respectful.
Gambling, sex, internet – Porn, spending, relationships and gaming are just a few behavioural issues I can help with. There may be as many as 450,000 people in Britain that have a problem with gambling. A natural high is created from the anticipation and excitement which can be addictive.
Sex addiction is any sexual activity that feels out of control, this could involve sex with a partner, but it may also involve pornography, visiting prostitutes or using chat lines.
It is true that there are many positives of the internet, but there are also negatives such as people suffering from the effects of compulsive gambling, pornography, spending and gaming. There is also the added factor that these are all available 24 hours a day.